Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
