Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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