i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
