There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
