"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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