You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize