the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
