There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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