I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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