Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
