We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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