just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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