Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
