Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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