how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
