I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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