He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
