clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
