my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
