If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
