if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
