So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
