You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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