so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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