Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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