Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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