I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
