Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
