The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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