Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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