You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How external is "for external use only"?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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