Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
