i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
