Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
