Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
