Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im holly from the hills drunk
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
