How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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