gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize