just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
