Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
