I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
