It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
