I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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