btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
