I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
