you guys were way drunker than both of me
I cockslap morals
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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