My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
