I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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