All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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