Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
