I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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