I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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