Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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