I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
