sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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