You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
