Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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