I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
