I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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