I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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