3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
