He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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