You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
