dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
two words: eviction party
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
