How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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