like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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