We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
